Blog Posting #101

it's rainy today. no surprise.

-I've met with a new friend and had lunch together at a new restaurant for us. we rated it 5 out of 10. not necessarily worth going back to. so, next time we can try somewhere new. I'm trying to be honest with myself about the friends i need and the people i want to hang out with.

-I'm not sure how to keep up with reading and writing and processing everything for school. It's a lot.

-Instead of reading during the Reading Week i have in October, i want to take the break and go to Denver.

-I can't believe another part of my family is moving to another country. so soon. I'm not doing well keeping up with my spread out family and fear that another move and separation adds to my getting behind-ness and guilt. i hate the guilt.

-Shopping has been the latest drive to cope. I want to hit up target and goodwill about every other day. somehow meeting the temporary needs i see in my life feels much more manageable than working to figure out the bigger needs in my life.

-On that note, i need a job. i mentioned I'm dragging my feet with Starbucks and still feel that way. But i am unsure if it is a general feeling about work, or specifically the bux. if i can't manage and get ahead with readings now, how will i do it when i am working? But, if i don't get a job soon, i will not have money. oh money!

-i want to change some of the things on my blog, and don't know how. trying to learn about how and figure it out seems too hard. help.

-Practicum is a big part of life at MHGS: roughly defined as group therapy that is not group therapy. an assigned group of people meet together weekly to share their life stories and then dialogue about how we interact with each other and "how we feel" about just about everything. I shared my story this week and was petrified of being eaten alive by my group. Instead of being eaten alive, as i was honest and raw with my story, my group was honest and tender with me. I'm SO thankful. one thing i realized, i haven't shared my story, in it's fullness, to very many people. and to think of doing that intentionally with more people makes me scared. But, as i am aware of, this kind of sharing and trusting of people brings more depth. and depth i love.

-I want to find a church community to get plugged in to and I feel very much like a floundering fish. where to start and with whom?

-BSF, as always, is rich and good. i don't want to be a dropout. in one of my classes we have been discussing how much Christians these days do not know the Bible and how this impacts everything. I generally agree that we don't know scripture well. I see that BSF has been one of the instrumental studies that has helped me learn, study and know the Bible and God better.

-Sometimes, as my mind wanders in class, i feel like such a snot. I am American: privilege #1. I have a college education AND a car: privilege #2 and 3. I am now going to grad school to get my masters: privilege #4. and when i think about the debt that i am accruing in my life, instead of spending my money on behalf of the poor, I'm frustrated and am not convinced the debt will be worth it. What if Jesus does come back in the next three years?! What about my friends in Guinea-Bissau; how do i live, knowing their lives are so radically different than mine?