New Music

Pandora helped me discover this song, and i finally stopped to listen to it.

Eden  by Alli Rogers


Tonight at the end of light,
Tonight, I feel lonely
I thought I heard my heart stop beating
and I long for you to hold me

I guess I feel like Eden
The twilight tried it’s best
Tonight I feel good and evil
against my chest

Would I love you less or better
if I didn’t miss your face
Read your words like a love letter
would I have known your grace?

I guess I feel like Eden
aware of all I am
Tonight I feel good and evil
against my skin

We’re all homesick
is love the reason?
My hunger led me to your hope
Until the end of this colder season
keep us warm

Cause we are always Eden
the day after she fell
We see good and evil
and choose which one to tell

it's about wrestling. it's about honesty. the struggle. i do not have it all together.   i need to stop gossiping and being negative at work. i'm aware of my selfishness. i doubt my capabilities of faithfulness.  I'm on my way home. and i wish it was yesterday, and i feel i have so far to go.

i want to be faithful and loving. i want to be generous. i want to be disciplined and joyful. i want to be hopeful.

already and not yet.  sometimes this means hope to me. and sometimes it's like a soul cry-the deep agony of the not yet. sigh.

i've been uncomfortable in my skin a lot lately. like there is good and evil and i just get tired from choosing which one to tell. which one to let bubble out. which one to wrestle to the ground. sigh. my arms get chapped from doing the dishes at work. weird, right?  my clothes are tight. it's uncomfortable. i'm uncomfortable.  but it's deeper than just my skin, it's on the inside too. not sure where to let my hair down and just be. where i can go to laugh or cry? where can i rest and just be me? 

i feel all that i hope to be and i feel all that i am.