Spring

Everyday i come home and
#1. check on my bulbs. they are coming up!!!
#2. open up the blinds at home and let the sun shine in!

Sometimes, before or after this, i have been out shopping (because i am fooled to think it is cathartic) or eating (because this too feels/seems cathartic).

i know that neither of those things are helpful.  sigh.

gardening, weeding, watering, composting, soaking in the sunshine. these things are much better for me.

Internship: don't have one yet. have turned in applications places and no calls back. this is disappointing to me. i get afraid and discouraged easily in this process. i'm learning about how i don't always trust others or myself in this process of navigating trying to get an internship position. when is it personal and when is it professional? when is it both?  how do i listen to my gut, while trying to be engaging and desriable for a postition? there is more tied up in this than just getting an internship. i'm learning this.

home: my big comps test is saturday. lots of anxiety and trying to navigate that by relaxing and studying what i can. if i get metnal block, i get mental block. if i cant name the eight developmental stages of Erikson, it happens. looking forward to having it over. looking forward to being done with this school.

i'm headed to portland next weekend, and really looking forward to time with M.

we are participating in a 10 week small group at church, starting tonight. i'm hesitant, but hopeful.

There is one of those vans (that takes your picture and sends you a speeding ticket in the mail) that sits outside our house about 3 or 4 days a week. Usually, i pass/see this van and at least one other van like this three or four days a week. I've only been busted once by these kind of vans and it still makes me angry. This morning, as i left the house to head to school, the van was parked right behind me. i wanted to back up hard right into it. sigh. anger and anxiety. what a great combo.

guess it's time to get  back to studying.