too much

i bit off more than i can chew this time.

i can handle a lot. i can pack days full and at one point in time had about four "jobs" that i bounced around between.

i like change, i like newness, i like to be challenged.

but this semester....it's just not my favorite.
in fact, it makes me angry and mad and overwhelmed and frustrated with myself.

in fact, i'm trying to practice resting, but you wouldnt even know it.

this is my fullest semester of credits. and i work. and i'm trying to see my fiancee and plan our wedding.

i dont even know how to slow down when i have the time and when i do have the time, i've been overwhelmed with what i still have to do and that it isnt like resting at all.

my to do lists are never ending. i cross two things off and write down five more.

plus, this school is not the best fit for me right now. i'm trying to figure out how to be different and not in the box, and sometimes this school is in the box.  added on top of that, i miss my old school (which was drama) because of how challenged i felt and how out of the box it was. i'm mad and sad.

i had lunch today with a friend and we talked about all the changes that married life brings. this was a good reminder to me. i've had a lot of change. more change is to come. and though i love change, it's also difficult for me. it's both.

i'm struggling to make friends-in fact, one woman is just not healthy for me and i need to stop hanging out with her.  the friends i do have, i don't see-cause i dont feel like i have time. so i'm lonely.

i'm busy. and it's more than just good healthy busy. i was running, remember?!? well, it was short lived....at this point, i need my sleep more than i need exercise in my life.  (though i am house/dog sitting and sometimes i get a walk in with the dogs-sometimes.)

i wanted to give something up for lent. MHGS was a good atmosphere to learn about lent and i really enjoyed it last year. this year, nobody at school even wanted to talk about lent. the things i wanted to give up for lent were school or work....not really options. sigh.

i know i am in the middle. in the middle of my program. and it wasnt really wise to take 11 credits this semester. i just dont know how to slow down sometimes. i'm in the middle of starting a life with J and being an Eliassen. i've committed to it, it's coming. in my heart, i'm there, but legally and physically, i am not. i work to have health insurance, but anytime i try to get a shift covered, it never seems to work out. and until i request less hours at work, i run from one to the next to the next.

i'm overwhelemd. true.
i'm tired. true.
i'm torn. true.
i'm angry. true.
i'm busy. true.