Ending

What a whirlwind the last two weeks have been!

I’m up, debating whether to go to bed for my early shift at work, or just stay up and get my laundry into the dryer.

i just started at a new store this week. more busy. more people to work with. the hope is to have a better working environment. we'll see. I'm hopeful.

finals finished pretty well. i hope. grades don’t come in until much later, and so, i'm hoping for decent grades, despite some projects that i turned in late. we'll see. after finals were over, family was in town.

M is back in CO for awhile and staying in the townhouse. On Christmas evening most of us were able to be together. good laughter.

also, i've been spending a lot of time with J's family. his brother and sister in law were in town, and they love to be active and busy. we saw the denver brass, went window shopping, went to a nuggets game, unwrapped a ton of presents, and had a birthday party for his dad. good to have more time with J's family.

i went to a journaling workshop about intentionally ending the year well. writing is always good for me and this was no different. many different exercises, but i was a little surprised about how many tears i shed. definitely feeling some sadness about leaving the amazing community i had in Seattle and still struggling to find friends at my new school. sigh. i know time will help. i hope. but i was really struck during the workshop about missing my ladies in seattle. i was really lucky. so blessed.

one specific exercise that i loved was: sitting knee to knee with another woman participant at the workshop. then, for three minutes, i had to share in response to the question, Claire, what do you care about? and when i started to trail off, she would ask me again, Claire, what do you care about? It was hard and cool and amazing and touching. it was much harder than i thought to speak for three minutes. but really good to remember and put to words the things i really care about.

J and I are talking wedding and moving forwards towards May 22, 2010. good to get the ball rolling and take some action steps. i am not a good decision maker and am trying to remember Kitchen's advice, simple, simple, simple.

school continues on. i'm taking a class in the January intercession. a two week bomb of the second part of the NT. all my reading is supposed to be done by monday. and then we have a huge induction BS to write afterwards. i'm not sure that intercession classes are worth the craziness. we'll see. it kills my break. and that's not much fun. maybe that’s sorta how i feel about school. it kills my social life and that just isn’t much fun. i love the learning. but, when school schedule and business is over, i don’t think i'll be sad. i'm half way thru. should graduate May 2011. i start counseling people this next semester! crazy! fun and crazy! i picked up school supplies today and an external hard drive. slowly but surely i feel like i am getting the appropriate tools and supplies for being a student. =)

i can't quite believe that i am getting married in the middle of grad school. it is crazy. i mean, my grad school life is so full. and a huge part of me wants to just focus on J and I. time together, laughter, growing, sharing, adventures. and part of me also wants to stay in school while I’m in it. so, i am getting married while i am in grad school. it's going to work out wonderfully. i believe that full well. I’m just wishing for a little simplicity these days.

Another journal exercise: draw a picture of how you feel entering into the new year. Something to symbolize your internal or mental state. I drew myself standing holding a big umbrella. Just wishing for a little protection and probably for some things to sorta slide to the side, out of my way. Grades and classes may be that this semester….?

Welp, looks like my laundry is ready to be switched and I need to turn the lights out! Open shifts making coffee come awfully early.