Shadowlands

Shadowlands
—n.
a land or region of shadows, phantoms, unrealities, or uncertainties

Shadowlands
a movie about C.S. Lewis's life and love with Joy. It's about risking, grief, life, etc.

i met with my school mentoring director today and we discussed many things, including the movie Shadowlands. i own it, and have been thinking of watching it with my hubby, but we just haven't gotten to it. It is pretty sad.  but i came home today from my meeting, and rather than plugging away at homework, or housework, i gathered a blanket, a glass of wine and a bag of popcorn to watch the movie.

i was struck over and over again by the depth of the movie. so much of Lewis and his works get to me, at so many different angles. Narnia. Til We Have Faces. Grief Observed.

i know the movie isn't fully true, but based on true events, and i was on the lookout for the meaning of the title. it's slips thru the movie almost unnoticed, but mentioned briefly as something Lewis wrote about.

anyways, i guess it's in a quote from one of the Narnia books. and one of the things i talked today with my mentor director was this idea of a kind of Shadowlands. like wandering in the fog. a journey in unknown places to an unknown place. movement without clarity. a location of uncertainty. kinda like Abraham.

he didn't have the cloud by day and the cloud by night. but still, go to a place you do not know.  i also thought of crazy Noah, building an ark for something that seemed impossible. real practically, which direction might Abraham have struck out on-north? or maybe there was mud on the route out of town to the north and so he headed south...? uncertainty. shadows. but go.

sigh.

I'm growing. but it feels a lot like being lost in the fog. 
and i get lonely and scared too.
missing what is behind me, but knowing i don't fit there anymore.
and, I'm not crazy. not alone. not lost.

All who wander are not lost.  JRR Tolkien.

i'm reminded of some amazing books.
Evolving in Monkey Town
Grief Observed
Permission to Speak Freely
Reaching for the Invisible God
Hinds Feet on High Places
The Shack

and I'm looking into more books too
What Good is God?
Sabbath
Walking on Water